Better Left Unsaid

Words.

Once they are out there you can never unsay, untype or unwrite them. Good, bad or indifferent, once those words fly from your mouth, your fingers or your pen they are out there in the universe, never to be retrieved. My mother told me once when I was angry over my journal being read, "If you don't want people to read it, don't write it down!" Those words still caution me to this day. Post it on Facebook and the ramifications rapidly become crystal clear - It is incredibly difficult to get a thoughtless comment back under wraps, even if your intentions were never to hurt with your words.

Being a writer, words carry huge meaning for me. I think about words and their many implications daily. I am also mortified when my words hurt others... Well, most of the time I'm mortified. Sometimes I'm just mean. When I realize, however, how much impact my words have on others and how lasting that impact is, I tend to think a bit longer before I allow my words to fly unwittingly from my mouth.

Emotional response is usually my worst enemy when it comes to words. Being a writer, I can and do express myself in ways that can paint a vivid and sometimes pointed picture of what I am feeling at any given moment. I am rarely at a loss for words. When I lose my words it is a very big deal and a sign that God is working on my response.

What kinds of biblical responses do we have for our words? Such a wealth of advice, if only we would take a minute to let it sink all the way in...
"A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it! It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire." James 3:5

Proverbs warns us, "Watch your words and hold your tongue; you’ll save yourself a lot of grief." Ain't that the truth?!?! How many times could I have avoided a conflict that resulted in enormous hurt if only I had held my tongue for just a minute more.

Again in James: "A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell." (All quotes taken from The Message.)

So often we spout off at the mouth because we want to say something, and not necessarily because we should say something. My grandmother called it "Talking to hear yourself talk." When I feel that immediate need to open my trap and retort, especially if I am angry or hurt, I have to stop and take stock.

There is an old adage on speaking one's mind accredited to Socrates, among many others: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? There are many variations of this philosophy, but mostly it is self explanatory. I want to say something that has me hesitating... First, is it true? Can I know without a shadow of a doubt that what I am about to spout is the absolute truth? If not, shut it! Then, is it kind? This is trickier. Sometimes the things we need to say may not seem kind on the surface. When in doubt, pray about what you want to say. I have done this, even in the heat of the moment. When I responded, if I responded, the Holy Spirit filled my mouth and lent me words that I didn't even know I had! Kindness need not dumb down your message if it is one of admonishment, in fact kindness can cause a hard message to be heard all the louder. Lastly, is what I am about to say necessary? If I don't speak, will someone be hurt? Am I speaking something that will needlessly hurt the hearer? If I can't see the necessity of what I am about to blurt out, I need to think long and hard before I let the words fly. Remember, those words can light like a gossamer butterfly or rend a heart like a ravenous falcon. Is my response really necessary?

In a time that is marked by so many careless words, whether in a status line on Facebook, a rant in a public blog, a hastily blurted comment, we must take heed of our words and how we use them. So many times we are thoughtless about what and how we say things, never fully comprehending the impact they may have.

Just as a thoughtless, hurtful rant may destroy, so too our words have the ability to build up the hearer. We can love through our words, encourage through our words and praise through our words. Those are the "gift" words. Admonishment can be a gift well received if the words are chosen, prayed over and delivered in love. A word of praise can be carried in the heart of the hearer for years, encouraging them in times far beyond the original moment. The most cherished words of love comfort hearts the world over during loss, momentary separation and struggle.

Let your words be a gift to someone today!